Wistful

I’m kneading bread dough in the kitchen, on that damn warped board that has the crack in it. It’s shimmying all over the place, and I’m thinking about how I really should have replaced it already. About how you told me I needed better tools.
I’m caught up thinking about a quiet cabin in the woods, watching snow fall in feathery flakes, kneading dough on a real butcher block that’s made for such things, at the proper height and with plenty of room. There’s venison stew just beginning to bubble softly on a grate over the fire. The dog, big and furry, is stretched out full-length in front of it, baking his belly and snoring gently. I need to muck out the sheep stalls after I finish this, and spin the wool from the lamb’s last shearing, so I can replace those awful mittens of yours. The last patching is wearing out already, and they aren’t doing you any good. Your hands on my shoulders feel cold when you come inside.
I’m warmed by thoughts of being tucked up for winter in the calm and the still.
What is nostalgia for things that haven’t happened? Things that won’t happen? Wistfulness, I suppose.
Sometimes I wonder, if the noise of our combined madness hadn’t drowned out everything else, if this would be where we left things. Doesn’t matter though, because this is where it is.
This is the year of letting go. The year of releasing everything.
I shaped the dough and put it back into the bowl. I washed my hands. I let go.

Wistful music to read by…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GUE3E9w-Vg&list=PLY4gRtK2vPT35_MoDQPun1jxuZ35t49es&index=8

 

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2 thoughts on “Wistful

  1. wow. a life I wished and I could have this dream . soul mate and love and peace is what I believed in. when u can’t see because it’s to to dark isn’t your fault . but when u get a touch and u can’t see that is may be to much . u may need a candel. before I meet my X I would say na try to see . I learned that we not all the same . I am not screaming no more I learned that kind whisper I louder than a gun. please God u close to my heart and u can feel my soul. I learned and I except and I am welling . why human never actually stop when they need to do. because we human. I hope my flying birds ignore the world and remember a moment she said. u the love of my life or out not option or I belive in u. I learned . God help me and her .we both can be happy with others in the future. not the same as we both the only one know the happiness when we actually just holding looking at curling together. I LEARNED MY LESSON and asking u God and u spuds to gave me a chance in life. I didn’t get many of those and one could renew my faith in human and fix a lot of damage within my soul. with her I am an eagle . with out her it will take so so so long to be Abel to see the earth from above. great writing I hope u never stop. urban writing keeping my heart beat.
    A.M

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